S. CARIBBEAN REDUX- BROKEDOWN PALACES AND BODY COUNTS

“Full soft” means “ripe” in Caribbean English and I find myself using it frequently since I first heard it, as if softness were the natural state to mark the passage of time, certainly as opposed to hardness. And so should travel be as well as your chosen destination(s), soft and fluffy to break your inevitable fall(s). It’s become my metaphor of choice. And so as I sit at home in Montego Bay waiting to catch a flight in a few days (always leave yourself snafu time), it’s probably a good time to pause and reflect on my recent trip to the South Caribbean and Guyana coast, arguably a continuity of culture with the possible exception of Suriname, it not being an English-speaking former colony.

So here’s how the score stacks up. For beauty I’d rate Suriname highest easily, but I’m not a beach guy. The colonial architecture of Paramaribo is unlike anything I’ve seen anywhere else in the world and is truly something of world heritage. Gold shops line the streets like something right out of SE Asia. For cheap thrills there are casinos that’d rival Winemucca. Outside the capital Hindu temples dot the landscape. Then there’s the sparsely populated Amazon outback; I’d love to go there. The beach isn’t of pure white sand, but IS site of one of the largest tortoise migrations in the world. Trinidad has some nice spots but the mix of heavy industry in the city center is a bit of an eyesore, and the country is densely populated compared to the others. I hear the beaches are okay. Barbados is classic Caribbean, gingerbread houses and fancy resorts, blue skies and sandy beaches, not like the muddy ones you find on the northern coast of the continent. When I’m feeling beachy, this is what I dream of. Georgetown and Guyana also has some nice spots but the overall plan (or lack thereof) renders any beauty lost in the chaos.

For food Suriname probably ranks lowest, not that it’s bad, but the others are better. There’s really not much difference between the Indonesian warungs, Chinese wok spots, and so-called ‘snack bars’ there; i.e. they all have pretty much the same things, mostly rice and noodles and a few other egg-roll-like items, in addition to some bread rolls and cakes, ho hum. The ‘creole cuisine’ that exists throughout much of the Caribbean and into the US Deep South is entirely absent in Suriname. Even the roti is pretty lame compared to Trinidad, and prices are no cheaper. Gastronomically Trinidad takes the cake, literally, with good bakeries in addition to killer rotis and Chinese and Indian food that goes beyond the most basic of basics, all at reasonable prices, though Guyana is not bad. There they’ve even got something called ‘cook-up’ (I like that name) in the Halal eateries (huh?) that consists of black-eyed peas in goopy rice, not to be confused with sticky or glutinous rice, a different breed entirely. Growing up in the Deep South I never knew I was part of the Caribbean culture; now I know.

Being a major tourist resort Barbados may indeed have the best food of the lot, and the local stuff doesn’t look bad, but the prices and the fact that I had a kitchen mostly kept me away. Interestingly they all get their apples from New York. The situation with coffee is similar, plenty of espresso in Barbados but London prices. Trinidad’s better with its Rituals chain and reasonable prices. Paramaribo in Suriname has got a branch of Rituals also and another espresso joint conveniently located right next door, but that’s it. Georgetown, Guyana doesn’t even have that. I was reduced to Nescafe there, reduced and rendered helpless. Ditto for entertainment, Trinidad is on top with a lively street scene and many bars and clubs that seem attractive and inviting, not to mention a world-class Carnaval. Paramaribo has potential with its attractive historic district, but it’s largely untapped. The lead-up to New Year was great fun, though, lively and rambunctious. I haven’t been to the Sheriff Street party district in Georgetown, but it doesn’t sound too compelling. Downtown certainly isn’t, what with its dark murky streets. Barbados might rock out, but it wasn’t obvious from my vantage point. John Barleycorn and I have a deal that I don’t drink unless there’s something else in the offer, so my observations are mostly just that, and from a distance.

For transportation Trinidad wins hands-down with a terminal and buses with signs, real civilized, not that I actually went anywhere. The two Guyanas are still in the dark ages of vans and hustlers. Barbados isn’t bad, especially since it’s so small, with frequent terminals in the populated center. I heard there’s even a Sunday bus that loops the island with on-and-off privileges, great for the picknicking locals. For hotels Paramaribo probably ranks highest with a decent selection reasonably priced and easy to find. You’d do okay without a reservation in Paramaribo, but not so the other three. You might even have to pay a small fortune to find last-minute accommodation in Barbados. Ironically that’s where I had probably my best deal, private entry and kitchenette for less than U$50, so almost like an apartment. The music scene parallels that of entertainment in general. Trinidad’s got it definitely, steel ‘pans’ (drums) and soca, the others only so-so, though there is potential there.

For security Barbados and Suriname probably rate equally, Barbados too comfy for crime and Suriname too busy gambling. Guyana’s got a bad rep and so does Trinidad. Though murder rates don’t tell the entire story, they don’t lie either. Paramaribo has ATM’s right on the sidewalk, so that says something. That’s not something you see often outside the US or Europe. For Immigration and Customs formalities, they’re all about equal. I’ve seen worse, but I’ve seen better, too. I don’t know what it is about English-speaking countries that make them think they need to interview every single tourist. Aren’t there impersonal standards that apply across the board? Are they testing your English proficiency? What can’t they just stamp you in like most of Asia or Europe? Trinidad was definitely nicer to me coming in from Jamaica than coming back from Suriname, where I got scrutinized three times in the course of as many hours.

If it weren’t for the snafu’ed ferry business, I’d rate Suriname and Trinidad a toss-up, depends on what you want. As it is I’d rate Trinidad highest overall, probably cheapest to get to also. It even has a ferry to Venezuela and flights all over. The Guyanas have real problems of connectivity with glitched border crossings all around. One traveler on the ferry from Guyana to Suriname was not allowed because his stamp at the other land border with Brazil wasn’t right. He had to go all the way back and that road is notoriously bad. The ferry of course depends on a terrible road on the Suriname side, so that remains to be improved. Passengers could cross without it in small boats of course, if Immigration and Customs were willing, so the problem is as much one of will and motivation as logistics and money. They seem oblivious to the problem even though passengers like me are inconvenienced to the tune of $300 and I was lucky. I could’ve been stuck there for days or weeks. It’s not surprising considering the laborious entry even on a good day, as if only one Customs lady is qualified to search dirty underwear, and that only when she feels like it.

Language department again depends on what you want. If you want to be the English-only bozo then Suriname scores lowest, though many people speak quite well. I think there are quite a few native speakers from other places going there to fill the gaps. For me the opportunity to study and use some Dutch is a treat. There aren’t many places you can do that, and the similarities to English are profound. For exotic ethnicity Suriname probably also ranks highest, though I would hesitate to overrate it. Most of their ethnic groups drop their affectations on arrival and blend into a more generic ethnicity, though I didn’t get a chance to visit the so-called ‘Bush Negroes’. They might offer an invaluable glimpse into the African past. Trinidad &Tobago has an overt ‘African consciousness’ related to dress and culture but I suspect that’s an aspect of its economic and educational ascendancy, in addition to the cultural competition from the local Hindus. Still it’s nice to see Nigerian fancy dress on the racks in Port-of-Spain.

What else? If you want to watch TV once again Barbados and Trinidad are most modern, with many cable selections and US broadcast stuff from the US Virgin Islands, while the Guyanas are pretty bad, local only, with whatever international shows they can get on the cheap. You’ll be watching stuff you’d never watch ‘back home’. That’s not important, you say? Not if you’re on vacation, no, it probably isn’t. For those of us with nomadic lifestyles approaching serial residence, it can be certainly. Looking for girlie action? That’s not my game, but I assume they’ve all got their share of pragmatists, though none too overly overt. For simple friendliness from the locals I’d probably rate Barbados on top and Trinidad lowest, with something of an attitude problem sometimes, possibly racial. Barbados seems genuinely friendly, but that could be due to my vantage point in an apartment-like close proximity to many of them, and/or the fact that I didn’t stay long enough to get tired of it. Though small, Trinidad has the highest population, while all the others are sparsely populated enough that Sarah Palin could probably govern while juggling a baby. Overall I’d probably recommend Trinidad the most with honorable mention to Suriname and Barbados. Thus Guyana is probably the most problematic of the lot with little to commend it, to be honest. Sal si puedes.