Hypertravel with Hardie #16: Myanmar (Burma)

The Name Has Changed: It's Myanmar now, not Bummer... I've been to the Burmese/Thai border-town Tachilek many times on visa runs, and so have had my eye on the country for years, while never having a pressing need to collect the stamp, just to satisfy my personal mandate to visit every country in the world before I die—or it does... And I've been to the Thai-Burmese border town of Mae Sot a few times, too, and even though it's on the Thai side, while the other is officially Burmese, it always felt more truly Burmese to me, Muslim Burmese mostly, refugees I suppose, and complete with nearby violence and cross-border excursions from Karen (no, not her) tribal violence in the area... But I finally got serious about visiting the real Myanmar a few years ago. So did everyone else, and demand suddenly exceeded supply to the extent that not enough rooms were available, and those that were were pricey. Think a dozen or two Expedia listings for Yangon three years ago, a hundred or two now... So far it feels good, here in Yangon. I'm flashing on Hanoi 1996, but it could just as easily be Viangchan 2000 or Phnom Penh 2004, that sweet spot between development and primitiveness, when there are enough amenities to allow indie travel, as opposed to fail-safe group tours, but not so overrun with travelers that it spoils the reason you came in the first place. Or maybe Chiangmai, Thailand 1992... That means that you'll get a lot of smiles without too much trying and a lot of scammers trying to get their hands in your pants—pockets. It also means a lot of signs in a language you don't understand, and very few in the international language—English—such as it is. So what there is for foreigners are few and far between, and higher-priced, to boot... But that assessment should be qualified. Prices are higher in the most obvious tourist gathering places, such as Bogyoke Market, which is otherwise very interesting and nice, a central market for crafts and local products, the likes of which are getting harder to find in this world of malls and suburbs. But menus without prices in the down-and-dirty comedores? Not a good sign—but not to worry, whew, buck and a half with green tea included, my kind of deal... Ironically you can find some very reasonable prices in very sanitary conditions in some of those very malls that I otherwise abhor, like good-quality espresso for little more than half a buck USD, which would cost almost twice that in the fancy places near the central market. Go figure. Moral of the story: avoid the touts and loud shouts, as the best things in life are quiet, sweet and discreet... And the Burmese are sweet, notwithstanding the seemingly random violence that still haunts the country along its edges and among its minorities. So Myanmar has the dubious distinction of being the only Buddhist country with overt religious violence, at the same time that it has a reputation as the strictest of countries in the Theravada school of Buddhism, a major interest of mine... So I went to check out a Buddhist meditation center called Dhamma Joti, and it looks pretty good, ten day retreats available that apparently are free, and with room and board. Of course, you're expected to meditate most of the day every day, but that's what you want, right? Yeah, right. This is not Buddhism lite... I personally would only hope that there would be some temple life to go with that, which may or may not be the case. Many Westerners don't want any religion to spoil the flavor of their 'wellness' broth, so that could conveniently be missing. And there are others, too, yet to be thoroughly sussed. Apparently Myanmar is getting a reputation for such centers. If the price is right, the tourists will bite... Shwedagon Pagoda is the big tourist draw in Yangon, gold and glittery and crawling with tourists, I mean 'pilgrims', golden spires to inspire you and money-changers right there in the temple to relieve you of the extra pounds under your belt. There are also many lesser sites if you want to get totally stupa'd with them, a Buddhist bang for your buck, five quid a head and the palatial estate is yours—and theirs—for the day... They even have Christian churches with meetings on Sunday, helluva deal. There are ATM's everywhere, and nobody gets too hot and bothered by a creased banknote now, very civilized for a country on its way to the tourist big-time. There is a Chinatown and a downtown, but I can't tell the difference. But this is still Old Asia, and you'll see things here that long ago disappeared elsewhere, things that only poverty can produce. Enjoy it while it lasts, next stop Bagan... Angkor What? Anchor this: The first thing you notice on the bus up from Yangon to Bagan is that the entire countryside seems empty. As Gertrude Stein put it so aptly when describing Oakland, CA: “There is no there there.” Now this may indeed be the new road, so avoiding the population centers directly, but still: in Thailand every available parcel of land would have a 'For Sale' sign before the road was even finished, and there would be new developments springing up as fast as the equipment could be trucked in from China... But when we finally do get off the main road and into some villages, then you see why. It's poor, dirt poor. If Communism stopped a clock for those countries that only began ticking again in 1991, then 'Burmese socialism' stopped a clock which is only now beginning to tick some quarter century after its Commie neighbors in SE Asia. Better late than never, I suppose. But you'll see things here that have long been rendered obsolete elsewhere in the world, like horse-drawn carts—for locals! At reasonable prices! And ox-carts, too, in the countryside. And taxis in general are reasonably priced, for that matter, no small miracle in a non-Uber part of the world. And those teak-wood storefronts that you occasionally see in small outback Thai towns are still de rigueure here, where almost all houses in small villages are still that stilted wooden variety... The town of Nyaung Oo serves as support base for the nearby ruins of Bagan, but there isn't much to it, truth be told, just a long strip of funky shops, banks, airline offices, hotels and tour guides that feel like they landed here from another planet, which they did, I suppose, after the government ran all the locals out of what is now called 'Old Bagan', the densest core of ancient temples and ceremonial structures... It's all pretty loosely organized and if you're serious about temple spelunking, you better hire a guide. Otherwise, you can wander around on bicycle or e-bike and just get a sense of the splendor of it all, which is what I did. It lacks the intricate detail of Angkor Wat in Kampuchea, but makes up for it in sheer size and scale of the 42 sq. mi. splay of antiquity. If you want the money shot of 'Balloons over Bagan', then you might need to ride in one yourself, but it likely won't be cheap... Aside from the field of dreams itself, Mt. Popa is another convenient and nearby excursion for pilgrimages to the mountain-top temple and its nat-filled haunts, full of local pilgrims and a few tourists, too. Now I don't know what you've heard about Myanmar/Burma's emergence onto the tourist scene, but I assure you, it ain't too late. No, it's not the cheapest place in SE Asia, but neither was Vietnam back in 1995 or Laos in Y2K. That takes time, and by then it'll be overrun and the locals will be jaded... Get it? This is the last domino to fall, and Old Asia will be just a pleasant memory, of coolies with canvas sacks on their backs, water buffalo plowing fields, crowded 'wet' markets piled high with produce and dry ones with clothing and crafts and antiques and such, women—and men—with balance beams across the small of their backs with two heaps of something or other in baskets carefully balanced so as not to kill the messenger... This is Burma. This is Asia. This is planet Earth. This is 2017. Everything changes, not some of the time, but all the time, and the things that are gone will not come back, except in memory. There's only one catch: without those memories, you're limited to your immediate field of sensory perception and nothing else, and that's poverty, my friend, poverty of the worst kind—unless you're Buddhist, and/or lost in meditation. Word to the wise: see Burma before it all changes and something classic is lost forever... Burma Up North: The Road to Mandalay... ...sounds romantic and all, but it isn't so much, really, just asphalt and gravel, like anywhere else. Fortunately there are other options, like the train, plane, or boat. I'd like to say that the boat ride to get here from Bagan makes it all worthwhile—but it doesn't, not really, though admittedly it is more comfortable than pot-holed roads and betel-chewing Burmese drivers... At any given moment the average Burmese working stiff is working a wad of chew that would make a Cincinnati Red pitcher green with envy. But don't startle him or he may accidentally unload a dollop of spittle your direction that just might ruin your day. At least they don't drive like the maniacs in Thailand. Burma is chilled by comparison—and the roads simply won't allow it... But the river trip really has nothing much to see, not until you get to Sagaing, and that's an easy day-trip from Mandalay, anyway. It's not like there are loads of cool river villages and towns to view along the way. There just aren't. So I'd say the river trip is optional—at best. Burma is not cheap, anyway, so save your money for something more worthwhile, like paying your entry fee to selected sites, like the archaeological zone at Bagan or the human zoo at Inle Lake—free sarcasm available upon request... But I don't think Mandalay deserves the bum rap that it sometimes gets. Sure, it's a big busy city, but I've seen worse. At least it's walk-able, something you'd have difficulty saying about Bangkok, Jakarta, or many other places in SE Asia, or the world, either, for that matter. And what it lacks in charm, it makes up in open space, including a massive palace complex and a commanding hill-as-pilgrimage-site like only Burma really knows how to do it—okay, so maybe China, too... What I don't like so much about Mandalay is that the quality of refreshing innocence available elsewhere seems to be singularly lacking here. And of course, that's most easily measurable amongst the taxi drivers. Whereas in Yangon the first price quoted is pretty accurate and honest, God bless them, in Mandalay that doesn't hold true, and in fact they can be as rape-atious as anywhere in the world. They beat me on the price from the boat landing to my hotel, so I was on guard after that... After the long walk to Mandalay Hill AND a long confusing walk up to the top, I somehow managed to come down a different path, despite my best efforts. So that kind of disorientation is always a good time to hail a taxi, so I proffered offers from the local moto-boys. The first one asked 30,000 kyat (about $25), at which I suggested he needed psychological help, and responded with an offer of 3000, which I figured to be about right, walking away to make my point... ...which is what you have to be willing to do, of course, if you want the right price. Anyway, I walked over, so I figured I could walk back, so that helps. Another bike-boy came up and did the trip for 2500. It also helps if you the name of landmarks in the local tongue, correctly pronounced and with the right tones. The main market is zeigyo, pronounced zay-joe not ziggy-o. Don't f*ck with me, m*otherf*cker... So yes, Mandalay is guilty of the same crimes as Paris and the same samsara pitfalls as Kathmandu, but it ain't all that bad, really. But no, Mandalay is not a place to fall in love with, more like a place to bide your time, a place for life to happen while you make other plans... Those plans could include excursions in any direction, though Shan state to the east is the big lure for me, with close relations to ethnic Tais in Thailand and Laos and China, too, the Far east of the state arguably more 'Thai' than Burmese, and an open question for me as to whether and how well I might be able to communicate, what with my knowledge of standard Thai, Laotian and northern Thai dialect... The Burmese and Thai language have little or nothing in common, unlike Khmer and Thai, unless you count the similarities between the Thai and Burmese words for two-wheeled conveyances, 'mo-to-cy' in Thai and 'mo-to-by' in Burmese, apparently deriving from a common Sanskrit root. Oh well, I guess it'll have to wait, unless my meditation retreat in Yangon falls through, something Burma has become known for, apparently, though not the inspiration for this trip. But that's where I'll go after a brief stop at Inle Lake, and that's worth more to me than all the travel in the world. Mindlessness or mindfulness? Tough choice, yeah, right... Inle Lake: It's a Wet Dream.... For the first time, I'm annoyed at Burma, probably even pissed, at having to pay an entrance fee to the tourist complex at Inle Lake, based in Nyaungshwe. I mean: preservation of an archaeological zone is costly, and expensive, too, but Inle has none of that, and Nyaunshwe is a bit shabby, if you don't mind me saying, a coat of dust covering the entire affair, tourists included. What are we paying for, anyway? But the main offense is the mere proliferation of tourist amenities, albeit without the aforementioned infrastructure. This is something that has been lacking—refreshingly—so far in Burma, and really the reason to justify the higher prices, like paying a premium bride price for a virgin. And the main marketing pitch seems to be toward millennial malingerers, looking for alcohol and a place to drink it... But my fears are largely misplaced, for now at least. This is hardly Vang Vieng in Laos of a few years ago, or Siem Reap, much less Khao Sarn Road, or, God forbid, the Full Moon party